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Hello inner heart of mine. Sorry for the silence. Logging in to delete this site is always be the one thing that is so emotional to do. Sigh. Living for 2 months of holiday really give me loads of space to think about almost everything. 

Alhamdulillah for the best of health and small reunion with papa. And a new lappy. Loving it. Boredom strikes again during term break. And seldom happiness is pure. For me, attaining happiness is easier than most people think it is. While everyone's idea of what happiness is may vary, we all experience a basic pleasant feeling in which we are free of everyday cares and worries. Do you ever feel the same feeling that I have encountered ? Bet this old blog has lost its faithful followers but it feels good to write again. Hm Do you ever try to hide your real emotion to your friends or even to your family? Are you trying to wear a fake mask to make people believe that you are really fine? If that is the case we are in the same path. Smile hysterically*** 

It is really hard to pretend when it comes to emotion, but it is easy to say “I’m fine” or “I’m alright don’t worry about me” and the truth is you really not feel comfortable when you say that words because you know that you are just pretending. Pretending is not helpful when you stock your real feelings inside you and never let them out it can result to a deep stress. Looking back from the past years, picturing myself, I once remembered I am the type of person who is jolly, cheerful and loud sometimes I never get tired making jokes or even making fun of others. It was the glory time for me. I don't really think what others think or try to please anyone. I never forget to wear a big smile everyday because I know that smiling is good and may transmit to everyone. 

Days past by. Years past by. Things changed. People changed. Feelings changed. I changed. And I sometimes wear a fake smile this smile can never be transmitted because it harm everyone, but I always try my best to make the biggest fake smile so that it can be a more realistic. Sometimes I tend to wear a mask a happy mask this mask always hide my real emotion when I’m hurt, this mask help me to make me feel better and to pretend to be happy even I’m not, this mask really help me to show everyone that I feel fine. The fake mask is my strength because it can keep my real emotion when I feel down. Eventually it do help but actually nothing really change or help you to overcome the sadness. 

Now, if I ask myself, do you enjoy pretending? My answer is NO, because it can make a person weaker when hiding and it can also be a big problem because you will be bombarded with many stressful things. But opinions vary. I just need to reshape things when the semester began, being a whole new person in state of dealing with people and emotions. It just needs a lot of support, strength and yes, friends or maybe at least a "friend". People come and go. Keep the one who wants to stay and shows you they want to. And letting go. It is difficult in so many ways and on so many levels. Yet life calls upon us to do it, over and over again. For me, letting go is part of growth process. We cannot move on to the new while continuing to cling to the old. Keep smiling people. May Allah bless. 

Love, NAA.