Thursday, March 20, 2014

To somebody that I used to know.

Hello Whispering Heart. I miss you a lot. Sorry for being a bad ass to you these few months back. I am back for a reason. To write and express the whole new chapter of my life in year 2014. Back to basic. My blog is always about the people that close to my heart. But sometimes we just need a space where we can find our inner self and remember who is the one who always there through our thick and thin. And I began to realize the people doesn't really change, but their feelings do. That's is why sometimes we feel so insecure because things are not like how it used to be anymore.

Sometimes letting go isn’t too difficult. Sometimes you know the person is entirely wrong for you. You know that it would never work because you never achieved that level of intimacy necessary to build a lasting relationship. You never became best friends. For me, it's more hard than I thought. Then there are times when letting go is the most difficult thing in the world, not just because you know that you are breaking her heart and your own while you’re at it, but because you are willfully choosing to lose your best friend. There is nothing worse than choosing to let go and move on when you know that your best friend will never be more than just that, a best friend. 

It’s a very difficult phenomenon to describe, which is why most go with the all-time favorite cliché: “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” You know what? It's always you. The truth is, that is the best way to describe it: You love someone deeply and feel that you ought to be part of each others’ lives, but not in the capacity that you have been thus far. Unfortunately, not everyone can say goodbye and stay friends. In fact, I’d say most couldn’t. That is why we lose our best friends. But with time, however, I learn to pick up the pieces and redefine my direction in life. Not so la actually. Sigh

Yet, not all of us completely move on. Some of us still hold on to that friendship even though it is long gone. Why? We do love them. We wish they could be part of our lives. But at the same time we understand that is impossible. It’s been a very long time, which I’m sure you’re aware of. I hate to keep this distance, but I think we both know it was for the best. I’d like to say that I’m glad you are well, but as we both know I have absolutely no idea how you are. The one thing that can definitely be said is that when we cut ties, we leave no strand behind, but slice right through until we no longer remember how to find each other. It’s amazing to think that once we were inseparable, the best of friends. You knew me inside and out. We were there for each other in the best of times and through the most difficult of times. 

We definitely managed to put each other through hell on occasion, but when support was needed the most, support was given. Until, of course, that final day. I sometimes find myself wondering why we couldn’t stay in touch. Would it be so bad if we got in touch? Using the phone to make calls has become akward, but surely we could send a text to wish each other a happy birthday? Or a happy New Year? I mean, we’ve been through so much. You are a part of my life and there is nothing I can do to ever change that. You can’t be forgotten because forgetting you would be like forgetting myself and it is impossible. But then again, maybe you are right. Maybe we are better off as far apart as possible. 

So all that I can do is wish you the best. Wish you a great, bright, loving future. Wish you to find the lover of your dreams and to create a lifetime of your fantasies. I wish for you to find a friend as great as me, but a much better partner. One who won’t drag you through the mud. One who you won’t feel the need to bury with guilt. Stay safe.

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